– My wife is not into that…
– My wife would never try that…
– My wife is too conservative…
– My wife is too stuck up, she won’t play…
– My wife doesn’t like experimenting…
I’ve heard these arguments over and over again. Men are continuously fantasizing about all the kinky, fetish-y and frisky things they would do with anyone… but their wife. When asked “why don’t you try it with your own partner?”, the usual series of responses ensue, ranging from “she is too shy” to “she would never try that”. However… in most of these cases, you never even bothered asking. They assume that just because their wife is rarely in the mood for something naughty, she is automatically against it at any and every time and would never try anything out of the ordinary. Well – let me tell you a secret – no, she would, but most of the time, the husbands are just assholes who won’t even bother figuring out why it seems like she wouldn’t want that. It’s so much easier to look for fun elsewhere, then to try and make it work at home, right?
There are three main reasons for this issue:
1. Judgemental surroundings
Women were brought up with the idea that they should not want sex. Sex is for reproduction and pleasing the partner, not for her own pleasure and fun. Even with all the social progress over the past 30 years, these preconceived notions remain (maybe in a more veiled form). She is taught to be careful, to be very selective who she goes to bed with, not to be too public about her sexuality. Men on the other hand from young age are being taught to be “proud” of their sexual organs, to go after as many women as they can, to be players and to brag about their conquests.
The wife is afraid to be fully open with him about her desires and wants – because she thinks… no – she KNOWS that the husband will judge her. Because he will start questioning his own ability to satisfy her, he will start wondering where she learned that, did she do that with the guy before him, was she unsatisfied all along with him…? That insecurity will turn into judgement. A man who sleeps around is a player, woman who does the same is a whore. That mentality doesn’t seem to go away, even after marriage and full monogamous commitment. Instead of him feeling happy that this experienced, sexy, confident woman chose to spend her life with him and enjoy what her sexuality has to offer to the fullest – there are thousands of small insecurities and questions… and inevitably – resentment.
2. Unrealistic expectations
The usual expectations for her are that she will get the kids ready in the morning, set breakfast for everyone, go to work, come home, cook a dinner, serve the dinner, clean up, do homework with the kids, get them to bed, do the laundry, squeeze in a quick shower and just before she goes to bed – she’ll give him a mind blowing head. ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO! It won’t happen. If you wonder why she is not in the mood – that’s why! Doing the laundry may be a great opener in the oh-so-creative minds on PornHub, but it’s definitely not in real life. Cooking dinner by herself, doesn’t turn on any woman. If you do it, on the other hand… now we can talk about it. However, men think that if they do a nice thing once in a while – like cutting the grass, throwing out the trash, or once in a blue moon cooking (the most elaborate dish they can manage being pasta with pre-made sauce) – that it gives them a year long credit for blow-jobs and sex at a moment’s notice.
She can’t be a housewife and a sensual, sexual woman at the same time. Pick one. If you think that you need her to be more sexual – it’s easy – pay for a cleaning lady, do the laundry without her asking, cook dinner few times a week (and learn a few interesting dishes, it really isn’t that hard), get her a nice gift – it doesn’t have to be anything expensive, it should be thoughtful. Make it a habit to spend time with her, instead of filling your day with other activities. So many people live like room-mates once they have kids and forget what brought them together in the first place. Don’t lose that sparkle, and if you did – work hard on finding it again. Only then you can start working on having a more sexual/sensual relationship.
3. Don’t marry your mom
The girls that men want to date are not quite the girls they want to marry. When they date, they want someone fun, exciting, sexual, dirty. Someone who will want to have sex on the train to Montreal. Someone who will make out with her best friend in front of them. Someone who will dress provocatively and party hard till dawn. And then… when they marry… they want a good housewife, who will know how to cook, who will be a good mother (read – replica of their own mother, ‘cause nothing else is good enough), who will be modest, not “embarrass” them in front of the family and colleagues, dress “age appropriately”. Well – let me break it down for you… the first woman is a woman that likes sex and is enjoying her time with you. The second one – not so much. You can’t have both at the same time. If you want her to be playful, open-minded and exciting throughout your marriage – then marry a girl that is like that and make sure she stays that way, not falling into the trap of convention and social norm. You will be with that woman for 40-50 years, make sure you make the right choice, so you can enjoy those years. Your parents were more conservative by default, they lived in more conservative environment and they wanted different things. Today, we live in a world that is way too open, much more complex and presents us with temptations at every corner. Don’t look for a relationship that worked for your parents – find a relationship that works for you.
In conclusion – it’s not that your wife is not into that… It’s that you are not really ready for her to be into that.
Do you want to spice things up? Check these 20 Couple Boudoir Photos and get ideas for your own photo shoot!